i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
