we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
