So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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