So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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