my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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