i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
