I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
