dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
