before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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