Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
