i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
