We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
