Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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