ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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