I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
