so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
