If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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