There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
