Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
