Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
