she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
