please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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