Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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