you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
