Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I could fuck to npr.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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