Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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