I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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