Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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