hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
