I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
