so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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