and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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