dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
