I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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