Farmville is her only friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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