i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
