you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
