you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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