tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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