I think I am morally bankrupt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
