i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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