I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
