Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
