I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
