I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
