Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
