Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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