The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
