I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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