pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
