I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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