you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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