Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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