In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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Mom said you looked used
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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