Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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