I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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