I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
