I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
