After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
