They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
