the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
