Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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