Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
