a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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