Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
