she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
