I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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