hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
