Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
