I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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