We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
