its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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