I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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