Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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