Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
