you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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