it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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