Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
