The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
