i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
