does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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