He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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