the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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