1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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